I am a transfer student. I thought that the transition was going to be easy. Not because I arrogant, but because I have a support system here. Or rather, had. I had a support system here. That was supposed to be enough. Do not get me wrong, it certainly helped to have access to both my hometown friends and parents, but they all have their own lives. It feels odd to insert yourself in their “university” lives, when you’re only a part of their “hometown” life. Do not pity me. I do not want your pity. I simply want to exemplify the realities of transferring in higher education institutions.

Growing up in Crozet, Virginia, I wanted to go far. As long as it was out-of-state, I remained happy. Boston was the city. My city. Although as application season passed, I did not apply to a single school in the area. I gave up on that dream. The one thing that I never budged on was the fact that I would never go to the University of Virginia. This was because I was surrounded by every aspect of the school: game days, courses (my dad is a professor), and the architecture. I got used to the atmospheric beauty and never realized the incredible privilege it is to attend. I know that now. In the fall of 2024, I attended the University of Mary Washington in Fredericksburg, Virginia. How did I let myself stay in-state? We will never know.

My decision to transfer was honestly made the first week of classes. I knew I didn’t love it. I wanted to be in love with the school I went to. I yearned to be a proud alumna, which certainly would not occur if I continued at UMW. The next sign was pleading with my parents EVERY single weekend to come pick me up and take me home. When you don’t want to be at your school over the weekend, let me just say, you are not happy. Every single person deserves to be happy at the very same place they will spend the next four years. Choose happiness.

I understand that I am very bluntly contradicting myself. My decision to transfer was ultimately the best thing that I have ever done for myself, but without a doubt, it comes with several contingencies. First and foremost, I can say with the uttermost confidence that I needed the time at Mary Washington to grow before I could have even dreamt of being successful at UVA. In the most candid way, being away from home and hating your time makes you grow in ways I can’t even begin to describe. I wouldn’t trade my time at UMW for anything. Secondly, UVA is exclusive. You notice it everywhere. It is almost haunting. To the five hundred dollar Golden Gooses to the top sorority houses, wealth is so disgustingly crucial to simply survive here. Third, and probably most importantly, the transfer department is not equipped to guide transfer students in the right direction. I have been wronged by a many. Some advice: You would be better off bypassing this department as a whole.

I have other friends. Despite what I have just said. I have “sailing”, “purvelo”, and “class” friends. But I hate that. I despise having friends in the context of activities. Because once they end, it implies that our friendship does as well. And what are you left with then? No one. Loneliness is an invisible ailment. With that, we begin to battle the age old question: How do you transform your activities friends to REAL friends? Is the answer staring me in the face? Yes. You just ask. You ask to hang out.

That is what is so hard about transferring. Everyone already has their people. Their friends. Where do you fit in? You don’t. At least, not until you try. I like to think of it as getting how much you give. But there are times when you shouldn’t give as much. To preserve your own sanity, that is. It may seem like I am dancing around the topic. Through saying a lot, but simultaneously nothing at all. That is because I am.

I am a person who is very outgoing. I can talk to just about anyone. Even a brick wall. That is the type of person I am. Even I find this process exhausting. That says a lot. I can’t even fathom how the introverted, out-of-state, transfer student must feel.

I met most of my friends the first week at UVA. I went to all of the events. I have to say that the club fair was certainly the most successful. That is where I signed up to sail. God knows I’ve never set foot on a sail boat, but there I was being convinced to join. With the promise of weekly functions, that is. I have since gotten closer with those on the sailing club, but ONLY in sailing settings. This furthers the idea of making people your “real” friends. How do you even go about it? We tried once, but I don’t think I even want them as my friends. I’m rather picky when it comes to my friendships. Who I am “allowed” to get close to? I don’t know.

Since then, I have lived in my bubble. I no longer wish to do so. Now, I feel trapped. Where do we go now? How do you expand your horizon? With less than a month left in the semester, it feels nearly impossible.

I’ve made a goal for myself. A rather new goal (just came up with it 5 seconds ago) that will begin when I return in the spring. Once a week, I will do something that puts me out of my comfort zone. One thing. Just something. I just want to feel belonging. Whatever that means. Whatever that may mean for me.